Pretty much that, but otherwise:Do you just find incredibly supportive and understanding partners?
Last edited by crossmirage; August 14th, 2010 at 10:03 PM.
"what I perceive as jealousy of my interest in wanting to spend time doing something that doesn't involve her often get the best of her I'm afraid."
There are some people like this, but it seems to me like a valid complaint. Of course I don't know her so I can only make opinions from what you've mentioned, but wanting to spend quality time with the person you love is natural. But this varies a lot from person to person. Some people need this every day, some need it once a week, some need it when they're bored....it just depends on the person and doesn't necessarily mean their jealous of your activites. It makes her sound like she's selfish or bad just for wanting to spend time with you - isn't this what couples do???
If you are unable to give this time (which helps her feel close to you), then she is going to start to resent what is keeping you away from her. There is only so much time in the day, and there is something that you'll have to sacrifice eventually to cope.
Unfortunately the hard truth as I see it is if she doesn't get what she needs from you in terms of closeness or 'together time' then she might eventually find someone that will. People can drift apart easily in these situations. For you this could be the same - you might love each other but you might eventually find someone else who can cope better with spending time apart - it works both ways.
When I was working hard, I used to say hi to my boyfriend in the morning, come home from my full time job and have dinner with him, then go to my studio and work until 1.00am in the morning, and then the pattern repeated again. The poor guy didn't get much sex in that time, but luckily I knew I wouldn't be working that hard for long so I knew it wasn't permanent. He also doesn't need to spend that much time with me becuase he's quite a solitary person, so I was able to get the work done.
At a time in my life when I too was very focused on work and personal goals I denied myself of any sort of romantic relationships. But it just so happened that I met a great guy and things just went that way. I think what made that relationship work was that he lived 188 km from me. A distance short enough to be together but long enough to give you some space. We were both tied to our towns so there wasn't really a question of moving together. So even if I wasn't that occupied we would've only seen each other on weekends. In reality it was about every other weekend. During our time apart we didn't keep in contact too tightly, just the occasional msn and midnight phonecalls. The distance was a perfect excuse. In a way I felt like getting together after several days of tiring uni and work was like a prize for working hard (and actually made me work harder). No matter how determined you are you mustn't forget to pamper yourself every once in a while.
Last edited by nofu; August 14th, 2010 at 09:24 PM.
Why join the club
When you can join the wolf pack?
"Astronomy offers an aesthetic indulgence not duplicated in any other field. This is not an academic or hypothetical attraction and should require no apologies, for the beauty to be found in the skies has been universally appreciated for unrecorded centuries."
I don't really have that problem with relationships because I'm not very "emotionally needy", in my previous relationships I wouldn't see my GF more that 2 times a week at most, I need time alone, and I expect my GF to understand and accept that beforehand, I'm an artist, kind of a loner, I need to spend too much time painting alone, if you don't like that, you don't like me and that's ok, but I don't change to please anyone.
But it all depends on doing what YOU really want to do, not your girlfriend, for example, I have lapses, some years ago there was a lapse of 2 years where I was barely drawing and painting, but having a very social life, going out to nightclubs like 2 or 3 times a week, then I almost stopped going out/dating for like a year because I thought my life lacked something, and became kind of a hermit, then started drawing and painting a lot more again, and then more and more, for like 2 years and got more skill in those years than 6 years before together, I also learned to paint in oils.
Right now I think my life is more balanced, dating and going out with friends ocassionally and this is perfect for me, but I never put my relationship or friends over my goals because most relationships/friends come and go, but your skill and knowledge stay with you forever, they make you who you are, I think you should never abandon your goals for a romantic interest.
Last edited by Chris Saksida; August 16th, 2010 at 01:14 PM.