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|Color and Light||1.1||Do Assignment|
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those - those unfeeling Canadians!!
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?" In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," a Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?" In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
haha, thats awesome. Whats it from?
I don't know - I got it from a friend's newsletter - she's notorious for leaving out her sources ( ), but I thought it was funny, so I thought I'd share.
If anyone *does* know where it's from, please post!
Yeah I agree...Canadians are mean people.....thank goodness I'm in Canada though
There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine and THE TRUTH.
thats hilarious, thanks oregano
We gotta start playing more Gordon Lightfoot.
lol this is all over the Internet where people have given credits (far from all have done that) for the writing they have gone to John Blundo, so I guess it's his work.
e.gHeres the link to the site where the qoute is from http://www.chronwatch.com/content/co....asp?aid=11321The clever satire below was written by Joe Blundo, and appeared on the KCTV 5 Discussion website. Thanks to Leslie Morris of Birmingham, who first shared it with us.
Last edited by Mindflaw; December 2nd, 2004 at 04:37 PM.
My sketchbook flawed to the max page 5
Ps:Hope you understand my English.
Remember my advices taste best with a grain of salt.