A wip of something I'm working on. I'm mainly focusing on working on my storytelling issues. I'm trying to illustrate a situation, where a man feels responsible for death of his daughter and is haunted by her ghost.
What do you think?
Last edited by AvaAdore; March 5th, 2013 at 07:16 AM.
Im just a beginner myself but I tried to do a paintover, it isnt much better and has its own problems but maybe it will give you some ideas.
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This concept has potential. But right now, I'm not getting "guilty father" from his expression, I'm getting "headache". Also, with the light coming from in front of him, it looks like he's sitting at a computer. Also not seeing any connection between man and girl. Until I read your description, I really had no idea what what going on.
To fix these issues, I would make him more hunched over, and add more sorrow to his face. I'd have her floating closer to him, perhaps leaning over his shoulder. Change the angle or change that desk if you don't intend it to be a computer desk. I would personally paint this from a more sideways view and have both his hands in his face, and have some of her ghostly sprite-bubbles trailing to him.
You have a "toony" look that I think you should preserve. Reference will help you get the expression right. Look at movie actors for subtle emotions.
Keep that toon look, the stylized character designs really will look awesome.
Right now he's reading as "annoyed" because one of his hands is covering his face and his mouth has a twist to it. It might work well in a sequence if there are other panels and there's some explanation for the annoyance, but if this is a stand-alone then something like this might work a bit better:
The girl looks too tall compared to her father, and the mans arms muscles need work.
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Thank you all for comments! I tried my best to fix the issues. How is it now?
It's the first one in the thread? You replaced the one that was there before? Just checking.
I like it! It's telling the story a lot better now. In fact, with his fisherman's chin beard and the fish and pictures on the wall and the puddle of water under her, I'm pretty sure I would have worked out the whole story without any textual help. Which is what narrative art is all about.
I was once on the receiving end of a critique so savagely nasty, I marched straight out of class to the office and changed my major (sketchbook).
I like the guy better but I think you've lost a little bit of charm in refining the girl. Now she looks more angry, rather than sad and lost. Although of course that might be what you're going for, so if it is then you should keep it like that.
Thank you for the comment. I intended for her to look somewhat lost, like she didn't blame him, more like it was his guild that brought her back. I'll try to work on that more.