A comic I am doing the art for.
Criticism is very welcome. As of now the comic is being released as a webcomic and is very much a work in progress. Im pretty new to comics and will be going back in to rework old pages before any of these might possibly see print. Hopefully with new info garnered from experience and any criticism received here.
Last edited by Kenny_Callicutt; March 17th, 2010 at 08:00 PM.
Sup dawg? Is this the private commission for that awesome guy? Anyway tons better than talisman, haha.
The last two panels are my favorites, very nice storytelling~
Anyway, for some reason, I actually liked your original lines better, perhaps it's just that I like sharp edges everywhere~
Keep in touch~
Edit:Lol, actually I thought the arm in the 4th drawing connects to the arm in the 5th drawing, so he literally has forearm, middle arm and upper arm.haha~
Last edited by Aaron Death; November 16th, 2009 at 09:37 PM.
Aaron! Shit man I feel like its been a year since LAAFA with moving and the craziness of freelance throw on top of that. Im tempted to link talisman in here to show how humble my last attempt was. Yea, this is what was in layout form the last time you saw it.
Tim- thanks, im glad to be busy.
I don't know if it displays differently on your monitor, but I'll save this just for the lulz.
So, can you tell me something about your workflow? Is it like pencil and then ink and erase the pencil, and then watercolor? How do you keep the watercolor from tampering with the ink? Or do you do watercolor first?
Anyway, if you don't mind a little critique, I think perhaps you can add a little more focus or contrast to some of the forest scenes, especially, the panel where the assassin walks out of the forest is kinda outa focus with the dark tree and the bright space between the trees~Didn't see the assassin at first~~
BTW, total with you on the LAAFA sentiment, feels almost like a year~
I like your layouts/designs. Looks like good storytelling.
At least Icarus tried!
My Process: Dead Rider Graphic Novel (Dark Horse Comics) plus oil paintings, pencils and other goodies:
My "Smilechild" Music. Plus a medley of Commercial Music Cues and a Folksy Jingle!:
I don't think that the finished inked
panels do justice to your lovely line work.
Amazing stuff though! x
i totally agree with kev. the storytelling and shots are fantastic.
the technical execution feels a little lacking though in my opinion. i know its all about establishing a method that you can work quickly in, due to the sheer amount of work it is to make one of these things. one thing id encourage you to think more about is the balance between light and shadow shapes, and how that can be used to hide unnecessary areas and direct the eye toward the important parts of the picture. look for cast shadows, as well as areas you can completely lose in shadow, its a great method for working quickly and getting your pictures to read convincingly. if you look at most good comic book artists, you will see them employing this principle in some way or another. mignola and wrightson immediately come to mind in their ability to use large shadow shapes as powerful compositional tools. (it also means theres less to draw and paint )
your storytelling is ace. id just spend a bit more time on the execution end. with what you have laid out, these could really be awesome.
what Coro said.
Also, the panel border break with the horses head seems a bit random. one, because it serves no purpose other then not being able to fit the head into the frame (which isnt a valid purpose imo) and second, because you did not do it anywhere else in the layouts...
keep it coming.
I agree with the people who said the original pencils have more energy. Even though it's at odds with the watercolory style of the finished pages, maybe you could (re)integrate some of the scratchy lines or pencil rendering.
Might be hard to do without getting that "lol we don't need an inker, we'll just tweak the levels" feel of cheap comics, but it's worth looking into anything that preserves the rugged feel the characters have in the pencils. Right now they're a little too clean, especially on skin tones.
Panel layout is great, especially the arrow being pulled back then hitting.
Check out my Sketchbook and I promise I'll return the favor.
I am soaking all of this in. Glad that this is getting a response, I hope the below page reflects my efforts to work in the crits. I'm having a blast working on these.
The execution is a slowly evolving thing..been looking at a lot of guys using big simple shapes to get the read across, like coro and others have suggested.
I can show one more page right now.
Criticism is very much welcomed.
I answered arron's question about my technique in my sketchbook.
Thanks again to all of you.
Last edited by Kenny_Callicutt; December 6th, 2009 at 04:00 PM.
The latest ones look a little more finished. They also remind me of your oil paintings from the VCU days. I think its the colors. They're a little offbeat, pastel, not what you would expect. Gives them a unique look.
The perspective and foreshortening on the birds eye and worms eye views in the bottom two panels feels weird. I know its a difficult thing to do but its making them humorous when they probably shouldn't be. The one where hes getting slapped with the flat side of the sword was a hard read at first. I didn't realize it was an overhead view initially. I thought the bald guy was uppercutting him with his sword so hard that it made him fly up into the air in an awkward pose. To prevent this I'd try to reinforce the ground plane somehow, maybe a cast shadow interacting with some rocks on the ground. Might also redraw the leg on the right and have it splaying backwards, showing the lower leg and some of the upper leg instead of just a foot sticking out of his butt.
Hey, man! Great to see you going for the comics!
This newest page is definitely stronger. I think you took Coro's crit to heart, as well you should. The figures now have more weight thanks to the greater contrast and strengthening of the shadows. But you can still go further. Anything that gets in the way of our reading those figures should go away. The white floor is too jarring. I'd throw a tone on that. Don't forget your value structure — Academy stuff.
Are you shooting reference for these? If not, you should be. If so, Push your lighting to create, as Coro suggested, more simplified shapes of light and dark. Use one light source.
Also, I would break up your pages with a bit more variation of scale. For instance, in the first shot of the newest page, do we need to see that much of the character? What can you get away with not showing? Maybe closer on the swords clanging together and just a sliver of the face of the guy? That actually makes us a participant in the action, brings us into the battle.
And don't forget your Academy stuff here, man! Overlapping shapes, simple value structure, silhouette. And the power of silhouette is huge! Throw some of the figures into silhouette shapes and let us fill in the details.
Another thing (being picky here), I would give the text in your balloons a little more air. Let them breathe a bit. The balloon's holding line is too close to the text it corrals.
Keep cranking, man! I think comics is one of the hardest things to do. You have to wear so many hats. But it will benefit you in everything else you do.
Hey, just for goofs I was messing with your file to drive a few points home. I've also thrown together a quick sketch as well, which is maybe a little more dynamic. There's no "right" way to do this stuff, but it's good to try and throw around as many different attempts as possible to arrive at the storytelling that works best for you.
You've given me a lot to digest, just wanted to drop a quick thank you and hopefully the next update will reflect me trying to work on what youve given me here.
The writing and balloons are being handled by the writer, hes as new to this beast as I am so ill be sure to pass your feedback along.
I havent been using reference and I guess its showing. Was having issues "referencing" and not copying when i was drawing but ill have to give it another chance. I really got alot from the second part with the layouts and paintover. thanks again.
Also Burt- Thank you as well, I was nodding my head as I read your critique.
Last edited by Kenny_Callicutt; December 7th, 2009 at 07:37 PM.
Man you do churn out the nice pages. I'm delving back into comics myself and I am learning a lot from this thread in general but you have a lot of self control with your action! I always try to go crazy with weird panel transitions and unique gutter styles but it always compromises my piece.
I'll be looking for more on this thread Keep at it!
Here's my awesome, pro website.
Character designer/Illustrator looking for studio work!
Here is another page...
Tobba, Duke, Azuma - Thanks for the kind words and feedback.
Well for now I feel like I'm improving with each page, in large part due to the feedback from here.
Critiques very much welcomed.
Oh wow, oh wow oh wow. I have had some catching up to do but I am SO glad I did it. Your comic storytelling and pages are getting harder, better and tighter with each page. Not only I'm excited to read it for the story development but seeing how your seemingly settling with an overall style for this.
The first few pages were wonderfully watercoloured but I'm enjoying the slight dash of noir style your incorporating now. Adds a dark nice strength to it.
Also your latest image is just amazing. You have always impressed me with your graphic design and choice of compositions in the beginning. But you have just brought everything that is aces about you with that last piece. I can't explain but it just came out very rich and soulful.
Really cool style, suits the story very well. Do you do these in the computer or with paint?
A crit could be that you are very detailed all over the pages, maybe you can leave some and do more focus points, maybe work more with shadowed parts and contrasts, like you did in the picture where the messenger gets hit by an arrow, that was a really effective picture.
The word bubbles still bother me. Are they temporary? You've been able to create an attractive look with your style of illustration here, but I'm thrown off when I see these computer generated bubbles and text, like bad cgi in an otherwise competently filmed and acted movie.
Try the text by hand, keep it lose. The first thing that comes to mind is white handwritten text on transparent bubble with white outlines. This can be done by writing on a piece of paper, scanning it, inverting it, then putting the layer over the current one (choosing the right composition mode of course). Just a thought. It's more work, but it's probably worth a try.
Last edited by Christopher Genovese; March 18th, 2010 at 01:36 PM. Reason: puncuation typo