I was maybe 8 and trying to impress this cute boy. I wanted to make a running leap onto the top of this huge mailbox in my neighborhood. So I'm running, but I forget to actually jump in time (I was not a very coordinated child) and I end up just running face-first into it.
My bottom teeth cut through the skin just beneath my lower lip and were sticking through the other side with blood everywhere. I couldn't pull my lip off of my teeth either, it was pierced clean through and stuck like that.
It hurt sooo bad but I was determined to keep my cool (though I was barely able to speak from the blood and trying to hold my face together:
Him: "Oh my god are you okay?"
Me: (covering my lower face) "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
Him: "You hit the mailbox!"
Me: "No, that was my trick; I *pretended* to hit it"
Him: "You're bleeding!!!"
Me: "Uh, no I'm not."
Him: "YES! You are! I'll go get your dad!!"
Me: "No, it's not blood."
Him: "It's right there, it's all on your shirt! I don't think you're okay."
Me: "No, that was always there. I had a popsicles earlier. Hey, this has nothing to do with the mailbox thing, but I think I am going to go home now for another reason." (casually struts off).
Of course the second I was around the corner I broke into a run and ran screaming the whole way home (which he could probably hear).
'Cuz life is full of your regrets, and I should be one...
There was this tradition with the family back when I was very young dubbed "The Poisonous Potion", loosely translated from the Chinese term. My cousins, sister, and other younglings of my family would get bored after meals in a Chinese restaurant since the elders would talk for a long time. To alleviate the boredom, we got leftovers and other mixable items and mixed them all into a glass cup: tea, half-bitten dim sum, spit, ripped up tissue paper, and anything else that would truly make the potion "poisonous". We were simply amused by colour and texture changes and laughed at the resulting concoctions
In one instance, however, a family member accidentally picked up a finished potion and drank it.
Never worked..... as far as I know. But then again, we were never robbed.
As for what I shouldn't have done...
just a few weeks ago, a few friends and I were out on the town celebrating(?) the first day back in school. I was the only sober one, and at around 2 am (which is when the bars close, and all the drunks come out onto the streets) we headed to an all-night pizza place.
Two drunk guys (roughly my size) were inside, talking shit to EVERYBODY. But I was probably the only sober on in the place, so I was the likely only who actually noticed it.
I got into a little bit of a confrontation with them when I told them to "shut the f*** up, etc, etc," but it cooled down. Later on, when we were on the street outside, one of the guys said something behind our backs. I turned around and fingered him, and we started shouting at each other.
I think it woulda ended there....BUT what I didn't know was that the two drunk guys had a ~230ish lb. body-building, roid-raging friend who took some serious offense at my elevated middle finger (give me a break). He started bumping into me, but at that point I was so confused by all the yelling, I had no idea who he was or why he was in my face.
As we were all getting into the taxi, I realised what he had been doing, and flipped him the bird personally.
Immediately it was like "I reallllllly shouldn't have done that..."
he actually ran after the taxi as it was pulling out (rather slowly), pulled open the passenger side door, and sucker-punched me in the side of the face (I had a hoodie on, I was just starting to turn to look at the sound of the door opening). I dunno why I hadn't locked it, I was kinda distracted by that point.
I had a black eye for about a week and a half afterwards, all out of sheer stupidity. I've been injured mountain-biking and doing silly shit before, but that was definitely my most clearly "shouldn't have done that" moment. I'm normally quite a peaceful, cheerful non-confrontational person, drunk or sober, and I usually just let stuff like that slide...
The stranger things appear the more real they usually are.
Oh Chelsea, I do believe I can beet that...
Wow I havent told this story to anyone in years.
OK so back when I was 9, we had a big house with lots of land and lots of animals. (this isn't bull shit btw) So one day I was I the field with some friends and a girl I really liked, and I thought it would be cool if I tried to ride one of our goats. (I'll say it again, this is not bull shit) And yeah u you guest it, the goat ran off and I fell off, braking my arm and looking like a dick on the ground. Some years later I broke my wrist when a wheelbarrow fell on my. And no I'm not going into details.
And finally 2 years ago I broke my wrist again, (Not unlike you Chelsea) while skateboarding, (I wasn't learning tho). And of course there's no girl's around to see my crash. In fact that was the problem, it was on a deserted street with on one around and there's me crumpled on the sidewalk.
Wow I suck,
Keep well Chelsea, don't go hurting your self!
I remember the dumbest thing i did when i was younger.
My mum's prayer beads broke and i helped her gather them cause they were all over the floor. I was waiting for my mum to change as we were going out. Then i suddenly had this brilliant idea of sticking a bead up my nose. First it was alright, then i blew it out, and then another and i blew it out again. The third one got stuck up too high in my right nostril and i could not blow it out.
My mum called my uncle and he drove me to the hospital to use some scary instrument to dig it out.
It didn't hurt but that's really the stupidest thing i ever did. -____-
I tripped shrooms one night with a friend -
45 minutes into it, he began to say- "I'm not doing so good dude, I think I'm dying, I think I'm really sick. And I can't see any color anymore." He wanted to call an ambulance, so I freaked the hell out and ran out of his parents house into the dark. I didn't want anything to do with what was about to happen.
Well anyways, I end up walking 6 miles - most of which was in the pitch fucking dark. (I/we lived in the middle of nowhere..) Then, I end up at a police station at around 2 am, it's tuesday and I think I took a wrong turn. So now I'm waving at a cop standing outside like a fucking idiot. And I am tripping balls..
Last edited by slowcheetah; February 1st, 2009 at 12:54 PM.
When I was 10, my sister and I thought that it would be good fun to throw rocks into the freeway by my aunt's house. Well we didn't hit a car, but, a woman and her husband were riding bicycles and I threw a rock hitting the woman in the leg. I didn't see the damage, my sister says there was blood and I heard the woman's cries. I was never caught, however, to this day, I cry whenever I remember it.
I decided very quickly I could make a drunk hurdle over a small, frozen creek to get across to my friend's apartment building.
I plunged through the thin snow and ice and drenched myself in ice water up to my waist.
I stripped the soaked clothes off and shivered my drunk ass to sleep.
I had a dream about drowning that night. I shouldn't of done that.
ahh rock throwing, my old friend..
one time whilst at a bush retreat (shrubberies, not dubbya), me and a group of kids were down the creek, and i thought it a cool idea to skip some stones across a pool we were passing at the time. i threw a few with no worries, but then i saw one kid walking across the edge directly in front of me. i'd figured by now i couldnt make the distance if i tried, so i continued throwing stones. the last one i threw managed to bounce up and smack the aforementioned kid in the forehead with quite some force. there were instant tears and screams, and a severe scolding from the kids parent. i shouldn't have done that.
during said bush retreat, although a little earlier in my life (about 4 years old) a big group of us went rabbit trapping. we'd scout out their burrows by dusk, and then go and set those bear-trap-esque contraptions out the front of their front doors. we had just finished setting the last one up for the night, and were about to climb back into the 4WD and trailer to go back to the campsite, when BAM! i jumped down the little hillock i was standing on and landed right on the live trap. got my leg halfway up my shin. had i not been wearing gumboots, i'd be limping on a prosthetic to this day. i shouldn't have done that.
Oh wait! I just thought of a good one. :B
I was in high school, & a bunch of my friends drove into the woods to have a campfire & get drunk. It wasn't far off from the main road, but far enough that we wouldn't get noticed. But then a bunch of kids from another town came and were super loud and stupid, and were doing donuts right in front of the entrance back out into the street. By then I was feeling sick, I didn't know my limits with liquor yet, so I laid down in the back of my friends car. Then all the sudden my friend comes in and yells COPS! RUN! I was so confused and drunk. I stumbled out of the car only to run and fall face first into a huge puddle of mud. I picked myself up and started running again, but I couldn't see shit because it was pitch black. I tripped again, and started sliding down this steep bank. I landed in water, and then grasped around the air until I latched onto a tree, which I hid behind until I saw the maglites go away. When my friends finally found eachother again, I was soaking wet and covered in mud.
At a local small musifestival in the woods, I, dressed in my best suit (as I was a mod back then) decided to take a drunken pee behind some bushes up a small hill. I promptly ran up the hill whilst unbuttoning my trousers, when i fell arse over tit into the river located just behind the EMBANKEMENT. I stood up, water up to my waist and peed. Downstream of course.
It was a very uncomfortable 6 hours till the end.
[url=http://galleryonefone.blogspot.com[/url] This would be my gallery in Sweden
This would be my Pleine Air blog
loveandasandwich lol i love drunks stories i have a lot of my own with my friends but I am gonna keep them a secret hehee
here is one thing i shouldn't have done....
Make friends who disband or dislike you by judging on your personality or looks....
One day those people will wake up old and ugly and they'll be miserable for the rest of their lives because they put so much stock in vanity. Time will be your revenge.
'Cuz life is full of your regrets, and I should be one...
Anything and everything I've ever done that involved shots of Everclear and fire.
As a 4 year old riding my tricycle down a long hill and hit a dead stop, falling on my chin and biting off my tongue always strike me as "Let's not do that again"
well, i hope this one will be transelatedfrom hebrew to english well enough..
should probably give notice of *language* i guess (nothing too offensive, but necessary..)
6 years ago i was part of a singing group and we were invited to preform on the "golden-screen awards" ceremony (an award show to israeli tv-programs and projects). we had the opening number and were staged to sing as a choir. i was standing in second row and behind me two of my friend kept telling pussy jokes all the way through the general rehersal. well, i'm not the kind of person to handle pussy jokes and was trying to keep my calm and dignaty from embarresment in front of all the high-prophiled industry people, while my friends knew that and the pussy jokes became more and more vulgare. they wanted to crack me, but i didn't. anyway, our nuber ended, and we went off-stage, and all the way down those two friends of mine walking step behind me, each of one side of me, still telling pussy-jokes. as we went off stage, this actress called Tzipie Shavit was coming on stage, just in front of me. now, Tzipie Shavit had a very popular kiddie show when i was little, called Tzipiet-poot, which i adored. so as she came up at us, the little 'o' fan that i am, i wanted to call "hey look! here's tzipiet-poot!" but as she came across me, what came out of my mouth was "hey look! here's Tzipiet-pussy!" very loudly, physically to her face.
realizing what i just said, hoping the earth would open and swallow me hole, i just kept on walking...
Last edited by Noa K; February 2nd, 2009 at 04:48 AM.
so there I am sitting in jail, the officer comes over and says "Do you know how long you will be in for this? hu? Do you know what they do to pretty young guys in prison?"
I knew the answer to both of those questions, but in disbelief and possibly some confusion due to alcoholic intoxication I shook my head briefly as I held on to the bars and glanced at the officer before me. He proceeded to describe in graphic detail the circumstances and consequences of said circumstances which I was about to live out on my own reality and in due time. 12 hours holding time, 3 hours processing time and give or take 15 to 20 minutes in travel time. That was the amount of time I had left before those gestures he was making with his hands and hips became reality. I could only hope that my aggressors were as gentle and he seemed it be while performing the dance macabre in front of me.
"There will be a pounding..." he said, but that's not what worried me
"what comes after...is the death of your very soul"..that was.
"you are a tough kid, I can tell... and you will probably take one or two out...but there will be many, and they will be in line to take a shot at you...that's what they live for in there man....that's what they do"
He proceeded to re-enact the future beatings as he narrated my struggle and final defeat like a prophet receiving divine knowledge. My stomach upset.
My skin crawled, I felt dirty. I kept telling myself that it was not going to go down like that and I ran the scenario about a hundred times in my head before the officer got up from his one-handed-push-up/hip-thrust-worm-dance-electricboogaloo he was performing.
a very loud buzzer went of for a few seconds and a second officer came in the room. "Alfaro, get your shit...somebody just made your bail."
I left two officers in disbelief that night, one face palming while the other proceeded to tell me how and when and why I would be back.
Good god, I shouldn't have done that. I missed that bullet phew.
"Be who you are and say what you feel,because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."-Dr. Seuss
I shouldn't have quit before I started. Way back I did it because it didn't seem to matter what I did--someone laughed at me (not with me), mainly because I was smart, or saw things differently, or talked "big Black words"--I always talked proper. Someone stared at me because I was "too" white looking. Someone whispered right behind me, also because I was so white looking. I shouldn't have let life get to me, and maybe I could've been something great by now. I mean, I couldn't even scream after a while, so I couldn't sing the way I wanted to. Or draw or anything.
I also should've asked Mom STRONGLY when I was tiny, if I could go further in school. I could've skipped classes but I was "socially inept".
Stupidest thing I ever did... no question.
My sister bought a slingshot one day, and we were slingshotting potatoes from our window at the subway. This wasn't the stupid part. Dad called us to dinner and when we were sitting there we noticed that there were some grapes on the table. She was sitting across from me, and with a grin on her face said:
"Why don't you slingshot a grape into my mouth?"
Now, I thought this was a brilliant idea, for reasons totally beyond me, so I grabbed the slingshot and a grape. She opened her mouth wide, laughing, and covered her eyes, and I pulled the slingshot all the way back and... fired the grape. right into the back of her throat.
Ahm, she immediately began to choke, and then coughed up some blood and the demolished grape, and I immediately thought that I had accidently killed my sister.
I didn't, thankfully, but it was the dumbest, dumbest thing I had ever done in my life. a_a
and, ahm, this was like a year ago.
I have so many things I shouldn't have done in middle school, I've lost count.
The most recent one is pretty dumb. I was visiting my cousins for Christmas, and they had a couple snowmobiles. (You know where this is going) Actually, one, the other was broken. Anyway, my cousin, my brother and I all ride down to this lake really close to their house. My brother, having a driver's license and being older than me gets to ride first, while my cousin gives me a "prep talk" and tells me what I can and can't do, namely, don't go over 80(km/h) and stay away from the edge of the lake, as the ice isn't as strong there.
So my brother gets back, I get on and peel away, dutifully going a measly 60. Keep in mind this was the first time I had ever solo driven a snowmobile, so I didn't have any experience at all. It starts off fine, I'm having a ton of fun racing around the lake and enjoying driving something that goes faster than 20km/h. Then the daredevil/idiot in me speaks up and tells me to have some fun.
Now, there happened to have been some other people who came out earlier, and had left tracks in the snow. Some of these tracks happened to be on a "small" hill on the banks of the lake. Me, being the grand idiot I am, decide I can take this hill, thinking, from my perspective, that it's pretty small.. I turn the snowmobile around and head straight for the hill, towards the shore and the hill, going pretty fast. All of a sudden this giant mound of snow rises up before me and I end up crashing straight into a snowbank, nevermind clearing the hill. I nearly get thrown off headfirst and the snowmobile gets stuck and took all three of us to get it out.
The snowmobile later broke down on the lake.
Man, did I get hell for that.
I used to work as a cleaner in a local(ish) restaurant kitchen. The guys I worked with were talking about this house party that was going on the coming weekend, so I said I would go. Being as I had to bike (bicycle) to and from work because of the distance this would mean I shouldn't drink too much before I leave for the party.
Anyway, I began drinking waaaay before the party with my other friends who live right near me. Ya know, just to get a head start on the fun. Well I got my bike, piled in about 5 or 6 beers into my backpack and off I go, to the next village where the house party is. Its dark by now obviously, and when I mean dark I mean pitch black nearly (to get to the next village you need to bike through what we used to call 'no mans land' which is basically a stretch of road with a little footpath you could barely call a footpath due to its width and absolutely no lighting except from passing cars and trucks. So everything's going groovy, my eyes are adjusting to the darkness and soon enough I near the village, I just have to go down a long downhill path overlooking the motorway and I am more or less there. Now the stupid part, maybe it was a combination of being drunk and having just conqured 'no mans land' but I began to go down this big hill really fast. Then I take my hands off the bike and think its a great idea to go no hands down the hill at 30mph because obviously, I am so drunk nothing can stop me !
Then it happens, I spot some thick foliage sticking out from the side of the path as I am steaming towards it, now everything goes into slow motion. Brain thinks : SHIT! Hands think : well nothing, there hands. But they were too slow none the less and are a good foot away from the handlebars before the bike wheel hits the bush. The bike literally stops, I dont. Handlebars rip against my leg as my body goes flying over the bike. First time in years I had done a full somersault. Though this somersault I landed on my head and face a good 6 meters away from my bike. I kind of black out for a sec, my backpack lands near me and is ripped open, beers had fallen out and smashed onto the pavement dousing me in a spray of Fosters flavoured beverage. So i get up , one of my legs isnt standing right, but I have my bike which is barely making it, good enough to wheel me to the party. Of course, I have a near death experience and the party is my main goal. lol
I get to the party, everyone looks at me gone out. I see the mirror some girl brings to me, showing a pretty bloody scratched face. Pavement seems to had stuck in some parts of my skin and then I finally get a good look at my leg. The doctor I had to go to the next day said the bruise on my leg was not actually a bruise, but some weird name which I forgot because it was so large. It covered from near my crotch down to right near my knee. Thank God I did not hit the handlebars 2 inches north eh!?
Anyway, drink and biking in the dark to party's through a desolate no mans lands a bad idea.
Hey cool, I have a lot of those moments in the mornings (like when you accidentally put the cereal box in the fridge and the milk on top of the refrigerator).
One morning, I went to grab an apple out of the crisper in the bottom of the fridge. I was still really sleepy and grabbed the first round object I could find and took a big bite out of it.
Turned out to be an onion.
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About 5 years back, when I was working as a jeweller, we used to store most of the jewellery into a big safe overnight and take it out for display every morning.
One morning, I was carrying back some large trays into the safe and pushed the door to shut it. I don't even remember correctly how it happened, but my hand was somewhat hindered by the trays as I tried to get it out and I had the biggest brain fart knowing that the door would slam into it and yet not reacting... I did manage to move, but not quick enough, so the huge, heavy cast metal door slammed my left fingers against the frame.
I spent the next 45 minutes stomping in circles, crouching, punching- with my other hand- and cursing the most vile epithets I could stream together, even the Quebecer ones. Heck, I invented a few just to make sure it got vulgar enough to somehow help ease the pain. Looking back, it's hilarious remembering how my co-workers were all bunched together with this sympathetic/dismayed look on their faces but knew they'd probably get hurt if they'd approach me at that point. After that, it still hurt like hell, but I had to sit and calm down because I was getting faint and realized it was bleeding a lot.
I was really lucky because even though two nails fell out and my fingers were black for a few weeks, my hand didn't suffer serious damage (and my left hand is my drawing hand!); I only have a very small scar on my middle finger.
I knew the cursing would help!
I am not going to go into details, but...
I should not be allowed near things that go "boom."
I should not be allowed near things that "look" drinkable.
I should never be allowed near anything that might possibly be converted into alcohol in some fashion.
I should not be allowed near potatoes...
I should not be allowed near ladders.
I should never NEVER by allowed near the driver's seat of any motorized vehicle, nor near any of the controls for said vehicle.